I went to see my mother for dinner a few hours ago. I really didn't want to go. I felt sick at the thought of going. I suddenly felt really lethargic. I thought about calling and saying I'm not going. But I forced myself through it. Once I'm there it is not that unpleasant. She is civil and "friendly" to me.

I just wish I knew why I react so much to the thought of going to see her. I think something is not right there. I think she might have been involved in a lot more of my abuse than I can remember. Every time I see her I wonder how much I have forgotten. She is scarier to me than anyone else I know but I can't remember why.

At least right now is the longest time I will have until I have to see her again next week. I can forget about her in the meantime...

Well ok... Seeing as this blog feature is new I just thought I'd try it out to see what it is like....

I don't really have anything more than that to say at the moment...